Amongst The Stars
by casadiacqua
Summary: Jordan Shepard is the savior of the Galaxy, but that doesn't mean she isn't human. Fshep/Alenko and Fshep/Garrus. please r/r!
1. Prolouge

"I'm coming back for you Kaidan!"

The words burned like fire, and Kaidan shot back with ice. "I think we both know that's not true, Commander."

He was going to die. He had been willing to sacrifice himself since the beginning, and now he was going to die. Why had she turned around to defend Ashley? Why had Shepard forsaken him at the last moment? He gritted his teeth. He loved her, and she left him.

Kaidan saw the Geth Prime charge towards the Captain, and in that moment he had peace. He ran inbetween the Salarian and the synthetic, and slammed the Geth back. His powers seemed unmatched now on the brink of death. He quickly pieced together Shepard's reasoning. He loved her, and would give more than his life to defend her and those she protected. That is why she had to leave him behind, because he loved her, because he was the strongest and could hold on longest. If he could only have one more touch…

Jordan tossed in her bed. She was letting her mind wander, a bad habit. She coped, she adjusted to loss, but it still sat in the back of her mind. When things were quiet, she'd still think about them, and she'd still wonder.

She shoved the pillow under her elbows and propped herself up. She never had had time to grieve for Kaidan. In the rush between Virmire and Ilos, there was no time. The Galaxy had been at stake, but it seemed wrong. The man had no family, nothing left to lose, but that made it tragic. He left this universe without a legacy, only to live on in her mind.

'Ashley had to be saved, her family would fall apart without her.' She tried to reason with herself, but the guilt lingered. If only their last words to each other hadn't been so rushed and so hurtful. The dagger of ice split her heart again, and her eyes began to water. "I think we both know that's not true, Commander"… He was crystal clear. He was hurt. What an awful way to die.

Jordan let the tears fall. She never let anyone see her cry, but alone in her cabin she could let herself loose. Her breathing sharpened, and she let herself fall into her sadness. Curled into a ball, the savior of the galaxy mourned Lt. Alenko.


	2. Down With the Ship

_Hey guys! This is a pretty short chapter, as it's a pretty short sequence in the game. It'd be hard to do a fanfic without having actual game scenes in it though. It's mostly just the transcript from the opening sequence of ME2, but I like to thin I've odne it justice __ Im going to try to do a lot of "off camera" dialogue and introspect and such throughout this fic, so be prepared for some heavier reading! Enjoy this chapter, much love~_

_-Casadiacqua_

Down with the Ship.

The commander's eyes slowly drifted open. The night had been rough, full of dreams that she'd rather not have had. The evidence lie in her twisted sheets—her pillows had been thrown to the floor and her blankets were kicked in every direction. Staring at the ceiling, Jordan sighed. She would have time later to sort out her subconscious, but right now people needed her. The Geth certainly wouldn't eradicate themselves.

Naked with messy hair, she walked lazily to her shower. She turned the knob, tilted her head back, and let her muscles relax. Even after all these years, a hot shower could do wonders for her. As an orphan on Earth, they had been few and far between—but greatly appreciated. Every shower was like another chance; being clean meant being new.

The sirens blared, and Shepard looked to the flashing strobe. Joker's voice yelled over the intercom: "BRACE FOR EVASIVE MANEUVERS". "FUCK!" The force from the hit knocked her footing loose, and she tripped trying to get her N7 suit on. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Another fucking day in the life."

Jordan rushed to the escape pods. Fumbling over the controls, she frantically prepared every pod for launch. Now just to calibrate the distress beacon…

"SHEPARD!"

Jordan put on her breather helmet and turned towards Liara. She felt a pang in her gut—though Liara was nearly five times Jordan's age, she was so naïve and innocent. She had been dragged into this mess by Shepard…

"The distress beacon is ready for launch!"

"Will the Alliance get here in time?"

"The Alliance won't abandon us, we just need to hold on!"

The smoke from the numerous fires on the Normandy was beginning to thicken. She could hardly see the Asari standing before her now.

"Get everyone onto the escape shuttles!"

"Joker's still in the cockpit, he won't abandon ship! I'm not leaving either…"

_Goddamnit Liara, this isn't the time to be a martyr._

"I need you to get everyone onto the escape shuttles. I'll take care of Joker."

"Shepard…"

"LIARA! Go! NOW!"

"Aye Aye…"

Jordan charged towards the stairs leading to the cockpit. Running up two steps at a time, she gasped in awe at what had become of the bridge. The aluminum and palladium of the hull had been torn asunder, leaving the beautiful, cold void to be marveled at. She stared for a moment—the beauty of space was humbling. Even with her life at stake, she felt small and meaningless and at peace. But she shook it off.

Walking precariously through the debris, she kept her eyes fixed on Joker. _That damned stubborn Pilot._

"Joker! We need to get out of here!"

"I'm not abandoning the Normandy, I can still save her!"

Jordan almost laughed. The Normandy, in all her glory, was now a shredded tin can.

"The Normandy is lost, going down with the ship won't change that!"

Joker seemed easily convinced at least. "Yeah. Yeah you're right, help me up.."

Jordan felt the blast before she heard it. The devastating ray blew through the bridge she had just walked on. She grabbed joker and moved him as fast as she could to the shuttle. She had barely gotten in herself when she felt another blast.

"FUCK!"

"COMMANDER!"

She had been blown out of the escape shuttle. There was no way she was going to get back in. She grappled onto the wall, and saw the button to send the escape shuttle. Another blast, This was it.

"SHEPARD!"

She hit the button, and was shot into space. Twisting and furling, Jordan looked towards the stars. She felted the tightness around her lungs, and desperately tried to plug the oxygen leak in her suit. Her muscles screamed, her eyes watered. This was it.

She was going to die. Amongst the stars, amongst the fire, amongst no one but herself. The last of the air escaped her suit, and Commander Shepard was gone.


	3. Big News on The Citadel

_Hello again! It's been a little while! This chapter is from Garrus's perspective this time around. It's a little difficult for me to write from a male perspective, as I'm not a dude, so bare with me. I promise in later chapters things won't be so melodramatic haha. But the emotions set a base for events later in my story! Just you wait _

_-Casadiacqua_

* * *

><p>ch 3 big news on the citadel.<p>

"Emily Wong here with breaking news from the Citadel Council. Commander Jordan Shepard, who recently saved our very Citadel and the Council from certain doom, is reported missing in action after an attack on the Normandy SR1 early this morning. The Commander and her team were out on the Skyllian Verge by order of the Council to eradicate the remaining Geth threat. The attackers are currently unknown, but believed to be Geth. Thanks to the Spectre's valiant heroism, most of The Normandy's crew was saved. The council had this to say in the matter:

Asari voice: "We four are deeply affected by Commander Shepard's passing. We owe her a great debt. All Citadel Space citizens owe her a debt. May we remember her as she truly was: a great heroine of our time."

Truer words have rarely been spoken. There will be a memorial for Commander Jordan Shepard in the Presidium today at 4pm Citadel Standard Time. All are welcome. We return you to your regular schedule"

Garrus's mouth was as open as it could me. His mandibles twitched in disbelief. Shepard? Gone? Shepard can't die. Nothing could kill her!

He stared down at his C-Sec paperwork. She had been the one to convince him to go back to the Citadel, to do some good. What good was this shit? A huge pile of datapads loomed over his desk, and he kept staring. "This can't be true..."

The turian looked towards the clock. It was already 2:30, he could skip out on work for today. In the state of mind he was in, he wasn't going to get anything done anyway. How could he, knowing that Jordan could never stop by the chat with him again. Now that he couldn't see her smile, her beautiful, strong brown eyes. Now that the woman who had inspired him to greatness and saved the galaxy was dead, what was the point?

He walked in a daze towards the elevator to the Presidium. He half wanted to just go to the lower markets and get shit face hammered so he could forget that Shepard was gone- but he knew he had to see the memorial for himself. He owed it to her. He owed everything to her.

* * *

><p>By 3:30 a huge crowd hard started to gather on the presidium. Though it was largely still covered in debris, people still packed themselves in as tight as they could. Garrus stood next to the tower, his mandibles still twitching to hold back the pain. He saw Tali across the way, and could tell through her helmet that she was looking at him. <em>'god i do not need this right now'<em>

"Hey Garrus. How... how are you holding up?"

"Not well, Tali."

Tali fidgeted her fingers. He could tell she was still a little nervous around him, and the subject was obviously touchy.

"She... she was a great woman. The kindest, strongest woman I have ever met. She can't truly be gone, Garrus. Nothing could kill her."

"Don't, Tali. I wish it were true, but even Jordan Shepard is still mortal like the rest of us."

"But Garrus... You.. I know you were close. You must be hurting..."

"Yea. I am."

Garrus looked down towards his feet. Not like Jordan would've been interested in a Turian anyways. He cared about her, but had never really found a way to tell her. Now it was too late, that's what hurt the most.

He felt a suited hand on his shoulder, and he looked into glowing purple eyes. Even though he could not truly see them, he could feel she shared his same sorrow. Shepard had meant a lot to Tali—albeit in a much different way.

"Attention Everyone! Attention! I am Councilor Anderson, to those who have just arrived on our Citadel, welcome. We are here today to honour an amazing woman. A woman who constantly put the good of others before herself, a woman who would always listen. A woman who had a heart of gold, but would not take any shit from anybody. Jordan Shepard risked her life countless times for the safety of total strangers, and she died saving her crew. She is a testament to the righteousness and courage that is in humanity- and that is in all species. Today, keep her in your heart. Tomorrow, keep her in your soul. The universe is lesser without her, so let us keep her memory strong.

"Commander Shepard was born an orphan on the human homeworld, Earth. She fought through adversity and strife on the streets of the great Megatropolis of New York. She enlisted to make a change in herself, and to get out of the rough life of gangs and drugs.

"As a soldier, she proved herself in the Skyllian Blitz. Singlehandedly, she held off Batarian forces and saved many, many lives in the process. Most people would have broken down, surrendered, or died. Shepard turned the battle around.

"As a Spectre, she saved us all. As our Asari Councilor said earlier, we are all in a great debt to Jordan Shepard. Let us take a moment of silence to honour her."

Simultaneously, everyone bowed their heads. Tears had been streaming down Garrus's cheeks and down the angles of his mandible for some time now. Finally he had a reason to put his head down so Tali wouldn't stare. Her hand was still on his shoulder. He didn't mind it so much now. Sometimes its nice to have just a little support.

"Now, we ask for people who knew Jordan to come and speak about her. If you feel comfortable, please don't hesitate to come up here."

He looked to Tali, and she nodded. He twitched a sad smile, and started parting his way through the crowd.

"I have something i'd like to say about the Commander, Councilor"

"Go right ahead, Garrus."

"I only worked with her for a short time, but Jordan made more of an impression on me in those months than anyone has ever done. She listened, she talked, she made so much sense. She made time for her crew, even the alien members. I have never felt as good as when I was talking to her..."

"She... She always gave. She always helped. She never asked anything of anyone in return. She was selfless."

"Most of all, she was strong. So strong i'm having trouble believing she's gone. I thought she was indestrucible. I'm pissed at her that she wasn't. A lot of people in this universe needed that stubborn, assertive, calm, loving woman... And it isn't fair. Shepard was the glue that kept us together. She was the sunshine through the clouds. And... she's gone..."

A sea of a million eyes stared at him. Whispers. Could they tell? Could they tell he had feelings for the commander? Garrus stood rigid, then Tali came up to shoo him off stage.

"i should've have let you up there. You spilled your heart out and no one knew what to think..."

"no, no, thank you. thank you, tali." Garrus grinned and it hurt. "i'm just going to go home. I want to be alone with... with my thoughts."

"Of course."

* * *

><p>Garrus poured himself another flask of wine. He had been drinking heavily since arriving at his apartment. Jordan would've hated to see him this way. But she was dead, so what did it matter.<p>

"WHY the fuck didn't I tell her. Just because there were two other people vying for her love... I... I could've told her. I could've at least told her how much I appreciated her. I should've told her I... I loved her."

He downed his flask in two long gulps. The anger pumped through his veins. Standing up, he threw the vase from the table. "What is the POINT? What is the point without her..."

Garrus laid his face in his palms and sobbed. "there isn't one..."


	4. Ink

**_Hey guys! It's been forever. _ I had intended to go straight from chapter 3 to Garrus on Omega, but decided to throw this chapter in between. It gives a little more backstory. _Without further ado, here is chapter 4!_**

* * *

><p>With a pounding head Garrus stirred from slumber. He had definitely had too much last night and could feel it. He struggled to remember what he had done the night before, but all that came were shouts and blurs. He squinted his eyes around his apartment looking for some evidence of his activities. He thought for a second about the irony of a C-Sec detective investigating his own blacked out night, but then shook it off. He was sure he wasn't the first officer to do so.<p>

He scanned the room like a hawk, though it was easy to see that he had thrown a bit of a fit. A vase lay smashed on the ground, his C-Sec badge was thrown to the side of the room, a table was overturned. He had gotten out of control…

He looked towards his armory shelves to see them disheveled. Everything had been haphazardly tossed, as if blacked-out Garrus had been desperately searching for something. His chest tightened as he approached the shelves. This was where he needed to start.

He peered at the guns from all different angles before deciding their position only indicated his haste the night before. He began sorting them back into their proper spots when something caught his eye: something white and thin sticking out from underneath in his favourite sniper rifle.

He lifted his sniper gently and carefully extracted the flimsy folded piece of paper. How rare it was to see paper on the citadel—or anywhere in the civilized galaxy.

* * *

><p>"<em>Shepard."<em>

"_What is it, Garrus?"_

"_I've been going through your notes on the Mako repairs we conducted in the field. I have a question for you."_

"_Shoot."_

"_Why do you always write these things on paper?"_

_The Commander looked at him with an intense sparkle in her eyes. He thought he saw a flicker of a smirk on her lips._

"_It's just a bit more tangible."_

* * *

><p>The memory of Jordan tore through his insides. The pain was sharp, real, and as extreme as the woman herself. He looked at the piece of paper with a mix of anticipation and dread. He knew this note was from her. With all the nerve he could muster, he carefully unfolded the paper.<p>

_Garrus,_

_I'm writing this to you not as your commander, but as your friend. You are a sharp, brilliant, strong-willed and brave person and I am honoured to have you on my team. Your dedication to justice is beyond admirable and your resolve is formidable. You were critical in the fight against Sovereign and Saren, and for this I thank you._

_But it is not the only reason for which I give thanks. Turians and Humans have had some tense history, but you treat me with respect and equality. You ask my opinion. You listen. You may have thought our talks were only cathartic for you, but they helped me too… in ways I have a hard time explaining. So again, I thank you._

_Though I wish you luck on your endeavors on the Citadel, I must say The Normandy will feel a lot emptier without you. I hope our paths will cross again soon._

_Jordan Shepard_

He stared numbly at the letter for some time. His eyes flitted over the loops and lines that had been written by her hand, over her words that read in her voice. This was as tangible as she was now, this bit of paper and ink. This is all he had of Jordan Shepard.

He could see what had happened the night before as memories came rushing back. He had come home from making a fool of himself at Shepard's memorial and began drinking. He had no sooner finished his first flask before Tali had sent him a message. She had sent him a picture of a note she found in the shotgun Shepard had sent with her when she left the Normandy for the Migrant Fleet. She sent another message: "_Hit me hard. The timing… makes me feel like she's still out there."_

"You don't know how hard, Tali…"

Garrus sat on the couch and closed his eyes. After reading the note through drunken eyes, he had pounded back more liquor and wine. He had shouted. He had broken the vase. Tears began to form, and they glistened as they slowly ran down his cheek.

* * *

><p><em> "Tangible?"<em>

_ "Yes."_

_ Shepard had broken his gaze to look at the papers on her desk. She shuffled them into a pile, scribbled something onto one, and looked to him again with the same intense gaze._

_ "On Earth, nothing was real unless it was in writing. Words were words—malleable, vague- but on paper they became absolute. Datapads and Extranet sites can be edited, but ink can't be erased."_

_ She gave him a wry smile as her eyes softened. "That's street kid philosophy for you."_

_ He stared into her deep brown eyes for a while, unsure of what to say but comfortable in the silence. Or maybe he was comfortable with her…_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hoping to have another chapter done soon. Thanks for reading! ~Casadiacqua<em>**


	5. Muse

Everywhere Garrus went he was reminded of Jordan. The Citadel was full of memories of her. She was in the buildings, on the bridges, reflected in the water. She was in every store, every club, every back alley. She was omniscient, but no one else saw her. And though part of him was happy that she was in his thoughts, he ached every time he remembered her.

It had been nearly a year and a half since Commander Shepard had died protecting her crew, and how the months flew but the days dragged. C-sec was as infuriating as ever, but Garrus was numb. He couldn't feel the anger and passion he used too—his heart was simply too tired from constantly thinking about Jordan.

Every night he would come home to read her farewell letter, and every night he would lose himself to the emptiness. He no longer cried, he only shivered slightly. He no longer felt, he only was.

Tonight was no different. As blandly as he could, Garrus entered his apartment from another long tedious day at work. He tossed his badge and pistol to the side as he slumped onto his bed, letting all his muscles relax. With a heavy sigh, he reached into his armor. He took out a little black cigarette case and gingerly opened the clasp. With practiced delicacy, he took out and unfolded the letter from Jordan and read.

And read again.

And again.

And again…

* * *

><p>"<em>Garrus. Hey, Garrus."<em>

_Garrus opened his eyes and looked up. His mandibles fell slack in disbelief. It was Jordan._

"_Need a hand there?" she said, reaching out to him. Her smile was soft and genuine._

_He grabbed onto her and she lifted him up. He had evidently drifted off while laying in the shade of this tree. They were in a park on the Presidium, and a sparkling blue pond glimmered just behind Shepard._

"_You've been there a long time, it looks like. I think its time to go."_

_He looked at her quizzically, and as if reading his mind she said, "It looks very… easy… sitting there. Like you could be on auto-pilot. It's not you, Garrus. You choose your own destiny."_

"_Well, where should we go?"_

_Her eyes gleamed as she grinned, "Some place where you can do some good."_

"_Me…?"_

_The gleam in her eyes faded, and he hated to see it go. It was replaced with a deep, sorrowful, longing gaze. "Yes, you, Garrus. You're the only one who can do it right now." She reached for his shoulder and stared into his shifting blue eyes. "But I hope our paths will cross again."_

* * *

><p>Garrus bolted up right to find himself indoors and on his bed. He looked around him, and it was as if a fog had lifted. Everything was clear and pristine. Without much hesitation, he found a piece of paper and pen and began writing frantically. He knew what he had to do. He had to leave the Citadel. He had to go somewhere where he could do some good. Jordan was right.<p>

He was going to Omega.


End file.
